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+\ufeff Epilogue I Siberia . On the banks of a broad solitary river stands a town , one of the administrative centres of Russia ; in the town there is a fortress , in the fortress there is a prison . In the prison the second-class convict Rodion Raskolnikov has been confined for nine months . Almost a year and a half has passed since his crime . There had been little difficulty about his trial . The criminal adhered exactly , firmly , and clearly to his statement . He did not confuse nor misrepresent the facts , nor soften them in his own interest , nor omit the smallest detail . He explained every incident of the murder , the secret of the pledge ( the piece of wood with a strip of metal ) which was found in the murdered woman 's hand . He described minutely how he had taken her keys , what they were like , as well as the chest and its contents ; he explained the mystery of Lizaveta 's murder ; described how Koch and , after him , the student knocked , and repeated all they had said to
  one another ; how he afterwards had run downstairs and heard Nikolay and Dmitri shouting ; how he had hidden in the empty flat and afterwards gone home . He ended by indicating the stone in the yard off the Voznesensky Prospect under which the purse and the trinkets were found . The whole thing , in fact , was perfectly clear . The lawyers and the judges were very much struck , among other things , by the fact that he had hidden the trinkets and the purse under a stone , without making use of them , and that , what was more , he did not now remember what the trinkets were like , or even how many there were . The fact that he had never opened the purse and did not even know how much was in it seemed incredible . There turned out to be in the purse three hundred and seventeen roubles and sixty copecks . From being so long under the stone , some of the most valuable notes lying uppermost had suffered from the damp . They were a long while trying to discover why the accused man should 
 tell a lie about this , when about everything else he had made a truthful and straightforward confession . Finally some of the lawyers more versed in psychology admitted that it was possible he had really not looked into the purse , and so did n't know what was in it when he hid it under the stone . But they immediately drew the deduction that the crime could only have been committed through temporary mental derangement , through homicidal mania , without object or the pursuit of gain . This fell in with the most recent fashionable theory of temporary insanity , so often applied in our days in criminal cases . Moreover Raskolnikov 's hypochondriacal condition was proved by many witnesses , by Dr. Zossimov , his former fellow students , his landlady and her servant . All this pointed strongly to the conclusion that Raskolnikov was not quite like an ordinary murderer and robber , but that there was another element in the case . To the intense annoyance of those who maintained this opi
 nion , the criminal scarcely attempted to defend himself . To the decisive question as to what motive impelled him to the murder and the robbery , he answered very clearly with the coarsest frankness that the cause was his miserable position , his poverty and helplessness , and his desire to provide for his first steps in life by the help of the three thousand roubles he had reckoned on finding . He had been led to the murder through his shallow and cowardly nature , exasperated moreover by privation and failure . To the question what led him to confess , he answered that it was his heartfelt repentance . All this was almost coarse . . . . The sentence however was more merciful than could have been expected , perhaps partly because the criminal had not tried to justify himself , but had rather shown a desire to exaggerate his guilt . All the strange and peculiar circumstances of the crime were taken into consideration . There could be no doubt of the abnormal and poverty-stricken co
 ndition of the criminal at the time . The fact that he had made no use of what he had stolen was put down partly to the effect of remorse , partly to his abnormal mental condition at the time of the crime . Incidentally the murder of Lizaveta served indeed to confirm the last hypothesis : a man commits two murders and forgets that the door is open ! Finally , the confession , at the very moment when the case was hopelessly muddled by the false evidence given by Nikolay through melancholy and fanaticism , and when , moreover , there were no proofs against the real criminal , no suspicions even ( Porfiry Petrovitch fully kept his word ) --all this did much to soften the sentence . Other circumstances , too , in the prisoner 's favour came out quite unexpectedly . Razumihin somehow discovered and proved that while Raskolnikov was at the university he had helped a poor consumptive fellow student and had spent his last penny on supporting him for six months , and when this student died ,
  leaving a decrepit old father whom he had maintained almost from his thirteenth year , Raskolnikov had got the old man into a hospital and paid for his funeral when he died . Raskolnikov 's landlady bore witness , too , that when they had lived in another house at Five Corners , Raskolnikov had rescued two little children from a house on fire and was burnt in doing so . This was investigated and fairly well confirmed by many witnesses . These facts made an impression in his favour . And in the end the criminal was , in consideration of extenuating circumstances , condemned to penal servitude in the second class for a term of eight years only . At the very beginning of the trial Raskolnikov 's mother fell ill . Dounia and Razumihin found it possible to get her out of Petersburg during the trial . Razumihin chose a town on the railway not far from Petersburg , so as to be able to follow every step of the trial and at the same time to see Avdotya Romanovna as often as possible . Pulch
 eria Alexandrovna 's illness was a strange nervous one and was accompanied by a partial derangement of her intellect . When Dounia returned from her last interview with her brother , she had found her mother already ill , in feverish delirium . That evening Razumihin and she agreed what answers they must make to her mother 's questions about Raskolnikov and made up a complete story for her mother 's benefit of his having to go away to a distant part of Russia on a business commission , which would bring him in the end money and reputation . But they were struck by the fact that Pulcheria Alexandrovna never asked them anything on the subject , neither then nor thereafter . On the contrary , she had her own version of her son 's sudden departure ; she told them with tears how he had come to say good-bye to her , hinting that she alone knew many mysterious and important facts , and that Rodya had many very powerful enemies , so that it was necessary for him to be in hiding . As for his
  future career , she had no doubt that it would be brilliant when certain sinister influences could be removed . She assured Razumihin that her son would be one day a great statesman , that his article and brilliant literary talent proved it . This article she was continually reading , she even read it aloud , almost took it to bed with her , but scarcely asked where Rodya was , though the subject was obviously avoided by the others , which might have been enough to awaken her suspicions . They began to be frightened at last at Pulcheria Alexandrovna 's strange silence on certain subjects . She did not , for instance , complain of getting no letters from him , though in previous years she had only lived on the hope of letters from her beloved Rodya . This was the cause of great uneasiness to Dounia ; the idea occurred to her that her mother suspected that there was something terrible in her son 's fate and was afraid to ask , for fear of hearing something still more awful . In any c
 ase , Dounia saw clearly that her mother was not in full possession of her faculties . It happened once or twice , however , that Pulcheria Alexandrovna gave such a turn to the conversation that it was impossible to answer her without mentioning where Rodya was , and on receiving unsatisfactory and suspicious answers she became at once gloomy and silent , and this mood lasted for a long time . Dounia saw at last that it was hard to deceive her and came to the conclusion that it was better to be absolutely silent on certain points ; but it became more and more evident that the poor mother suspected something terrible . Dounia remembered her brother 's telling her that her mother had overheard her talking in her sleep on the night after her interview with Svidriga�lov and before the fatal day of the confession : had not she made out something from that ? Sometimes days and even weeks of gloomy silence and tears would be succeeded by a period of hysterical animation , and the invalid 
 would begin to talk almost incessantly of her son , of her hopes of his future . . . . Her fancies were sometimes very strange . They humoured her , pretended to agree with her ( she saw perhaps that they were pretending ) , but she still went on talking . Five months after Raskolnikov 's confession , he was sentenced . Razumihin and Sonia saw him in prison as often as it was possible . At last the moment of separation came . Dounia swore to her brother that the separation should not be for ever , Razumihin did the same . Razumihin , in his youthful ardour , had firmly resolved to lay the foundations at least of a secure livelihood during the next three or four years , and saving up a certain sum , to emigrate to Siberia , a country rich in every natural resource and in need of workers , active men and capital . There they would settle in the town where Rodya was and all together would begin a new life . They all wept at parting . Raskolnikov had been very dreamy for a few days befo
 re . He asked a great deal about his mother and was constantly anxious about her . He worried so much about her that it alarmed Dounia . When he heard about his mother 's illness he became very gloomy . With Sonia he was particularly reserved all the time . With the help of the money left to her by Svidriga�lov , Sonia had long ago made her preparations to follow the party of convicts in which he was despatched to Siberia . Not a word passed between Raskolnikov and her on the subject , but both knew it would be so . At the final leave-taking he smiled strangely at his sister 's and Razumihin 's fervent anticipations of their happy future together when he should come out of prison . He predicted that their mother 's illness would soon have a fatal ending . Sonia and he at last set off . Two months later Dounia was married to Razumihin . It was a quiet and sorrowful wedding ; Porfiry Petrovitch and Zossimov were invited however . During all this period Razumihin wore an air of resolu
 te determination . Dounia put implicit faith in his carrying out his plans and indeed she could not but believe in him . He displayed a rare strength of will . Among other things he began attending university lectures again in order to take his degree . They were continually making plans for the future ; both counted on settling in Siberia within five years at least . Till then they rested their hopes on Sonia . Pulcheria Alexandrovna was delighted to give her blessing to Dounia 's marriage with Razumihin ; but after the marriage she became even more melancholy and anxious . To give her pleasure Razumihin told her how Raskolnikov had looked after the poor student and his decrepit father and how a year ago he had been burnt and injured in rescuing two little children from a fire . These two pieces of news excited Pulcheria Alexandrovna 's disordered imagination almost to ecstasy . She was continually talking about them , even entering into conversation with strangers in the street , 
 though Dounia always accompanied her . In public conveyances and shops , wherever she could capture a listener , she would begin the discourse about her son , his article , how he had helped the student , how he had been burnt at the fire , and so on ! Dounia did not know how to restrain her . Apart from the danger of her morbid excitement , there was the risk of someone 's recalling Raskolnikov 's name and speaking of the recent trial . Pulcheria Alexandrovna found out the address of the mother of the two children her son had saved and insisted on going to see her . At last her restlessness reached an extreme point . She would sometimes begin to cry suddenly and was often ill and feverishly delirious . One morning she declared that by her reckoning Rodya ought soon to be home , that she remembered when he said good-bye to her he said that they must expect him back in nine months . She began to prepare for his coming , began to do up her room for him , to clean the furniture , to wa
 sh and put up new hangings and so on . Dounia was anxious , but said nothing and helped her to arrange the room . After a fatiguing day spent in continual fancies , in joyful day-dreams and tears , Pulcheria Alexandrovna was taken ill in the night and by morning she was feverish and delirious . It was brain fever . She died within a fortnight . In her delirium she dropped words which showed that she knew a great deal more about her son 's terrible fate than they had supposed . For a long time Raskolnikov did not know of his mother 's death , though a regular correspondence had been maintained from the time he reached Siberia . It was carried on by means of Sonia , who wrote every month to the Razumihins and received an answer with unfailing regularity . At first they found Sonia 's letters dry and unsatisfactory , but later on they came to the conclusion that the letters could not be better , for from these letters they received a complete picture of their unfortunate brother 's lif
 e . Sonia 's letters were full of the most matter-of-fact detail , the simplest and clearest description of all Raskolnikov 's surroundings as a convict . There was no word of her own hopes , no conjecture as to the future , no description of her feelings . Instead of any attempt to interpret his state of mind and inner life , she gave the simple facts--that is , his own words , an exact account of his health , what he asked for at their interviews , what commission he gave her and so on . All these facts she gave with extraordinary minuteness . The picture of their unhappy brother stood out at last with great clearness and precision . There could be no mistake , because nothing was given but facts . But Dounia and her husband could get little comfort out of the news , especially at first . Sonia wrote that he was constantly sullen and not ready to talk , that he scarcely seemed interested in the news she gave him from their letters , that he sometimes asked after his mother and tha
 t when , seeing that he had guessed the truth , she told him at last of her death , she was surprised to find that he did not seem greatly affected by it , not externally at any rate . She told them that , although he seemed so wrapped up in himself and , as it were , shut himself off from everyone--he took a very direct and simple view of his new life ; that he understood his position , expected nothing better for the time , had no ill-founded hopes ( as is so common in his position ) and scarcely seemed surprised at anything in his surroundings , so unlike anything he had known before . She wrote that his health was satisfactory ; he did his work without shirking or seeking to do more ; he was almost indifferent about food , but except on Sundays and holidays the food was so bad that at last he had been glad to accept some money from her , Sonia , to have his own tea every day . He begged her not to trouble about anything else , declaring that all this fuss about him only annoyed 
 him . Sonia wrote further that in prison he shared the same room with the rest , that she had not seen the inside of their barracks , but concluded that they were crowded , miserable and unhealthy ; that he slept on a plank bed with a rug under him and was unwilling to make any other arrangement . But that he lived so poorly and roughly , not from any plan or design , but simply from inattention and indifference . Sonia wrote simply that he had at first shown no interest in her visits , had almost been vexed with her indeed for coming , unwilling to talk and rude to her . But that in the end these visits had become a habit and almost a necessity for him , so that he was positively distressed when she was ill for some days and could not visit him . She used to see him on holidays at the prison gates or in the guard-room , to which he was brought for a few minutes to see her . On working days she would go to see him at work either at the workshops or at the brick kilns , or at the she
 ds on the banks of the Irtish . About herself , Sonia wrote that she had succeeded in making some acquaintances in the town , that she did sewing , and , as there was scarcely a dressmaker in the town , she was looked upon as an indispensable person in many houses . But she did not mention that the authorities were , through her , interested in Raskolnikov ; that his task was lightened and so on . At last the news came ( Dounia had indeed noticed signs of alarm and uneasiness in the preceding letters ) that he held aloof from everyone , that his fellow prisoners did not like him , that he kept silent for days at a time and was becoming very pale . In the last letter Sonia wrote that he had been taken very seriously ill and was in the convict ward of the hospital . II He was ill a long time . But it was not the horrors of prison life , not the hard labour , the bad food , the shaven head , or the patched clothes that crushed him . What did he care for all those trials and hardships !
  he was even glad of the hard work . Physically exhausted , he could at least reckon on a few hours of quiet sleep . And what was the food to him--the thin cabbage soup with beetles floating in it ? In the past as a student he had often not had even that . His clothes were warm and suited to his manner of life . He did not even feel the fetters . Was he ashamed of his shaven head and parti-coloured coat ? Before whom ? Before Sonia ? Sonia was afraid of him , how could he be ashamed before her ? And yet he was ashamed even before Sonia , whom he tortured because of it with his contemptuous rough manner . But it was not his shaven head and his fetters he was ashamed of : his pride had been stung to the quick . It was wounded pride that made him ill . Oh , how happy he would have been if he could have blamed himself ! He could have borne anything then , even shame and disgrace . But he judged himself severely , and his exasperated conscience found no particularly terrible fault in his
  past , except a simple blunder which might happen to anyone . He was ashamed just because he , Raskolnikov , had so hopelessly , stupidly come to grief through some decree of blind fate , and must humble himself and submit to " the idiocy " of a sentence , if he were anyhow to be at peace . Vague and objectless anxiety in the present , and in the future a continual sacrifice leading to nothing--that was all that lay before him . And what comfort was it to him that at the end of eight years he would only be thirty-two and able to begin a new life ! What had he to live for ? What had he to look forward to ? Why should he strive ? To live in order to exist ? Why , he had been ready a thousand times before to give up existence for the sake of an idea , for a hope , even for a fancy . Mere existence had always been too little for him ; he had always wanted more . Perhaps it was just because of the strength of his desires that he had thought himself a man to whom more was permissible tha
 n to others . And if only fate would have sent him repentance--burning repentance that would have torn his heart and robbed him of sleep , that repentance , the awful agony of which brings visions of hanging or drowning ! Oh , he would have been glad of it ! Tears and agonies would at least have been life . But he did not repent of his crime . At least he might have found relief in raging at his stupidity , as he had raged at the grotesque blunders that had brought him to prison . But now in prison , in freedom , he thought over and criticised all his actions again and by no means found them so blundering and so grotesque as they had seemed at the fatal time . " In what way , " he asked himself , " was my theory stupider than others that have swarmed and clashed from the beginning of the world ? One has only to look at the thing quite independently , broadly , and uninfluenced by commonplace ideas , and my idea will by no means seem so . . . strange . Oh , sceptics and halfpenny phi
 losophers , why do you halt half-way ! " " Why does my action strike them as so horrible ? " he said to himself . " Is it because it was a crime ? What is meant by crime ? My conscience is at rest . Of course , it was a legal crime , of course , the letter of the law was broken and blood was shed . Well , punish me for the letter of the law . . . and that 's enough . Of course , in that case many of the benefactors of mankind who snatched power for themselves instead of inheriting it ought to have been punished at their first steps . But those men succeeded and so they were right , and I did n't , and so I had no right to have taken that step . " It was only in that that he recognised his criminality , only in the fact that he had been unsuccessful and had confessed it . He suffered too from the question : why had he not killed himself ? Why had he stood looking at the river and preferred to confess ? Was the desire to live so strong and was it so hard to overcome it ? Had not Svidr
 iga�lov overcome it , although he was afraid of death ? In misery he asked himself this question , and could not understand that , at the very time he had been standing looking into the river , he had perhaps been dimly conscious of the fundamental falsity in himself and his convictions . He did n't understand that that consciousness might be the promise of a future crisis , of a new view of life and of his future resurrection . He preferred to attribute it to the dead weight of instinct which he could not step over , again through weakness and meanness . He looked at his fellow prisoners and was amazed to see how they all loved life and prized it . It seemed to him that they loved and valued life more in prison than in freedom . What terrible agonies and privations some of them , the tramps for instance , had endured ! Could they care so much for a ray of sunshine , for the primeval forest , the cold spring hidden away in some unseen spot , which the tramp had marked three years b
 efore , and longed to see again , as he might to see his sweetheart , dreaming of the green grass round it and the bird singing in the bush ? As he went on he saw still more inexplicable examples . In prison , of course , there was a great deal he did not see and did not want to see ; he lived as it were with downcast eyes . It was loathsome and unbearable for him to look . But in the end there was much that surprised him and he began , as it were involuntarily , to notice much that he had not suspected before . What surprised him most of all was the terrible impossible gulf that lay between him and all the rest . They seemed to be a different species , and he looked at them and they at him with distrust and hostility . He felt and knew the reasons of his isolation , but he would never have admitted till then that those reasons were so deep and strong . There were some Polish exiles , political prisoners , among them . They simply looked down upon all the rest as ignorant churls ; b
 ut Raskolnikov could not look upon them like that . He saw that these ignorant men were in many respects far wiser than the Poles . There were some Russians who were just as contemptuous , a former officer and two seminarists . Raskolnikov saw their mistake as clearly . He was disliked and avoided by everyone ; they even began to hate him at last--why , he could not tell . Men who had been far more guilty despised and laughed at his crime . " You 're a gentleman , " they used to say . " You should n't hack about with an axe ; that 's not a gentleman 's work . " The second week in Lent , his turn came to take the sacrament with his gang . He went to church and prayed with the others . A quarrel broke out one day , he did not know how . All fell on him at once in a fury . " You 're an infidel ! You do n't believe in God , " they shouted . " You ought to be killed . " He had never talked to them about God nor his belief , but they wanted to kill him as an infidel . He said nothing . On
 e of the prisoners rushed at him in a perfect frenzy . Raskolnikov awaited him calmly and silently ; his eyebrows did not quiver , his face did not flinch . The guard succeeded in intervening between him and his assailant , or there would have been bloodshed . There was another question he could not decide : why were they all so fond of Sonia ? She did not try to win their favour ; she rarely met them , sometimes only she came to see him at work for a moment . And yet everybody knew her , they knew that she had come out to follow him , knew how and where she lived . She never gave them money , did them no particular services . Only once at Christmas she sent them all presents of pies and rolls . But by degrees closer relations sprang up between them and Sonia . She would write and post letters for them to their relations . Relations of the prisoners who visited the town , at their instructions , left with Sonia presents and money for them . Their wives and sweethearts knew her and u
 sed to visit her . And when she visited Raskolnikov at work , or met a party of the prisoners on the road , they all took off their hats to her . " Little mother Sofya Semyonovna , you are our dear , good little mother , " coarse branded criminals said to that frail little creature . She would smile and bow to them and everyone was delighted when she smiled . They even admired her gait and turned round to watch her walking ; they admired her too for being so little , and , in fact , did not know what to admire her most for . They even came to her for help in their illnesses . He was in the hospital from the middle of Lent till after Easter . When he was better , he remembered the dreams he had had while he was feverish and delirious . He dreamt that the whole world was condemned to a terrible new strange plague that had come to Europe from the depths of Asia . All were to be destroyed except a very few chosen . Some new sorts of microbes were attacking the bodies of men , but these 
 microbes were endowed with intelligence and will . Men attacked by them became at once mad and furious . But never had men considered themselves so intellectual and so completely in possession of the truth as these sufferers , never had they considered their decisions , their scientific conclusions , their moral convictions so infallible . Whole villages , whole towns and peoples went mad from the infection . All were excited and did not understand one another . Each thought that he alone had the truth and was wretched looking at the others , beat himself on the breast , wept , and wrung his hands . They did not know how to judge and could not agree what to consider evil and what good ; they did not know whom to blame , whom to justify . Men killed each other in a sort of senseless spite . They gathered together in armies against one another , but even on the march the armies would begin attacking each other , the ranks would be broken and the soldiers would fall on each other , sta
 bbing and cutting , biting and devouring each other . The alarm bell was ringing all day long in the towns ; men rushed together , but why they were summoned and who was summoning them no one knew . The most ordinary trades were abandoned , because everyone proposed his own ideas , his own improvements , and they could not agree . The land too was abandoned . Men met in groups , agreed on something , swore to keep together , but at once began on something quite different from what they had proposed . They accused one another , fought and killed each other . There were conflagrations and famine . All men and all things were involved in destruction . The plague spread and moved further and further . Only a few men could be saved in the whole world . They were a pure chosen people , destined to found a new race and a new life , to renew and purify the earth , but no one had seen these men , no one had heard their words and their voices . Raskolnikov was worried that this senseless drea
 m haunted his memory so miserably , the impression of this feverish delirium persisted so long . The second week after Easter had come . There were warm bright spring days ; in the prison ward the grating windows under which the sentinel paced were opened . Sonia had only been able to visit him twice during his illness ; each time she had to obtain permission , and it was difficult . But she often used to come to the hospital yard , especially in the evening , sometimes only to stand a minute and look up at the windows of the ward . One evening , when he was almost well again , Raskolnikov fell asleep . On waking up he chanced to go to the window , and at once saw Sonia in the distance at the hospital gate . She seemed to be waiting for someone . Something stabbed him to the heart at that minute . He shuddered and moved away from the window . Next day Sonia did not come , nor the day after ; he noticed that he was expecting her uneasily . At last he was discharged . On reaching the 
 prison he learnt from the convicts that Sofya Semyonovna was lying ill at home and was unable to go out . He was very uneasy and sent to inquire after her ; he soon learnt that her illness was not dangerous . Hearing that he was anxious about her , Sonia sent him a pencilled note , telling him that she was much better , that she had a slight cold and that she would soon , very soon come and see him at his work . His heart throbbed painfully as he read it . Again it was a warm bright day . Early in the morning , at six o'clock , he went off to work on the river bank , where they used to pound alabaster and where there was a kiln for baking it in a shed . There were only three of them sent . One of the convicts went with the guard to the fortress to fetch a tool ; the other began getting the wood ready and laying it in the kiln . Raskolnikov came out of the shed on to the river bank , sat down on a heap of logs by the shed and began gazing at the wide deserted river . From the high ba
 nk a broad landscape opened before him , the sound of singing floated faintly audible from the other bank . In the vast steppe , bathed in sunshine , he could just see , like black specks , the nomads ' tents . There there was freedom , there other men were living , utterly unlike those here ; there time itself seemed to stand still , as though the age of Abraham and his flocks had not passed . Raskolnikov sat gazing , his thoughts passed into day-dreams , into contemplation ; he thought of nothing , but a vague restlessness excited and troubled him . Suddenly he found Sonia beside him ; she had come up noiselessly and sat down at his side . It was still quite early ; the morning chill was still keen . She wore her poor old burnous and the green shawl ; her face still showed signs of illness , it was thinner and paler . She gave him a joyful smile of welcome , but held out her hand with her usual timidity . She was always timid of holding out her hand to him and sometimes did not of
 fer it at all , as though afraid he would repel it . He always took her hand as though with repugnance , always seemed vexed to meet her and was sometimes obstinately silent throughout her visit . Sometimes she trembled before him and went away deeply grieved . But now their hands did not part . He stole a rapid glance at her and dropped his eyes on the ground without speaking . They were alone , no one had seen them . The guard had turned away for the time . How it happened he did not know . But all at once something seemed to seize him and fling him at her feet . He wept and threw his arms round her knees . For the first instant she was terribly frightened and she turned pale . She jumped up and looked at him trembling . But at the same moment she understood , and a light of infinite happiness came into her eyes . She knew and had no doubt that he loved her beyond everything and that at last the moment had come . . . . They wanted to speak , but could not ; tears stood in their ey
 es . They were both pale and thin ; but those sick pale faces were bright with the dawn of a new future , of a full resurrection into a new life . They were renewed by love ; the heart of each held infinite sources of life for the heart of the other . They resolved to wait and be patient . They had another seven years to wait , and what terrible suffering and what infinite happiness before them ! But he had risen again and he knew it and felt it in all his being , while she--she only lived in his life . On the evening of the same day , when the barracks were locked , Raskolnikov lay on his plank bed and thought of her . He had even fancied that day that all the convicts who had been his enemies looked at him differently ; he had even entered into talk with them and they answered him in a friendly way . He remembered that now , and thought it was bound to be so . Was n't everything now bound to be changed ? He thought of her . He remembered how continually he had tormented her and wo
 unded her heart . He remembered her pale and thin little face . But these recollections scarcely troubled him now ; he knew with what infinite love he would now repay all her sufferings . And what were all , all the agonies of the past ! Everything , even his crime , his sentence and imprisonment , seemed to him now in the first rush of feeling an external , strange fact with which he had no concern . But he could not think for long together of anything that evening , and he could not have analysed anything consciously ; he was simply feeling . Life had stepped into the place of theory and something quite different would work itself out in his mind . Under his pillow lay the New Testament . He took it up mechanically . The book belonged to Sonia ; it was the one from which she had read the raising of Lazarus to him . At first he was afraid that she would worry him about religion , would talk about the gospel and pester him with books . But to his great surprise she had not once appr
 oached the subject and had not even offered him the Testament . He had asked her for it himself not long before his illness and she brought him the book without a word . Till now he had not opened it . He did not open it now , but one thought passed through his mind : " Can her convictions not be mine now ? Her feelings , her aspirations at least . . . . " She too had been greatly agitated that day , and at night she was taken ill again . But she was so happy--and so unexpectedly happy--that she was almost frightened of her happiness . Seven years , only seven years ! At the beginning of their happiness at some moments they were both ready to look on those seven years as though they were seven days. He did not know that the new life would not be given him for nothing , that he would have to pay dearly for it , that it would cost him great striving , great suffering . But that is the beginning of a new story--the story of the gradual renewal of a man , the story of his gradual regene
 ration , of his passing from one world into another , of his initiation into a new unknown life . That might be the subject of a new story , but our present story is ended . 
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+\ufeff Part II , Chapter II " And what if there has been a search already ? What if I find them in my room ? " But here was his room . Nothing and no one in it . No one had peeped in . Even Nastasya had not touched it . But heavens ! how could he have left all those things in the hole ? He rushed to the corner , slipped his hand under the paper , pulled the things out and lined his pockets with them . There were eight articles in all : two little boxes with ear-rings or something of the sort , he hardly looked to see ; then four small leather cases . There was a chain , too , merely wrapped in newspaper and something else in newspaper , that looked like a decoration . . . . He put them all in the different pockets of his overcoat , and the remaining pocket of his trousers , trying to conceal them as much as possible . He took the purse , too . Then he went out of his room , leaving the door open . He walked quickly and resolutely , and though he felt shattered , he had his senses about
  him . He was afraid of pursuit , he was afraid that in another half-hour , another quarter of an hour perhaps , instructions would be issued for his pursuit , and so at all costs , he must hide all traces before then . He must clear everything up while he still had some strength , some reasoning power left him . . . . Where was he to go ? That had long been settled : " Fling them into the canal , and all traces hidden in the water , the thing would be at an end . " So he had decided in the night of his delirium when several times he had had the impulse to get up and go away , to make haste , and get rid of it all . But to get rid of it , turned out to be a very difficult task . He wandered along the bank of the Ekaterininsky Canal for half an hour or more and looked several times at the steps running down to the water , but he could not think of carrying out his plan ; either rafts stood at the steps ' edge , and women were washing clothes on them , or boats were moored there , and
  people were swarming everywhere . Moreover he could be seen and noticed from the banks on all sides ; it would look suspicious for a man to go down on purpose , stop , and throw something into the water . And what if the boxes were to float instead of sinking ? And of course they would . Even as it was , everyone he met seemed to stare and look round , as if they had nothing to do but to watch him . " Why is it , or can it be my fancy ? " he thought . At last the thought struck him that it might be better to go to the Neva . There were not so many people there , he would be less observed , and it would be more convenient in every way , above all it was further off . He wondered how he could have been wandering for a good half- hour , worried and anxious in this dangerous past without thinking of it before . And that half-hour he had lost over an irrational plan , simply because he had thought of it in delirium ! He had become extremely absent and forgetful and he was aware of it . 
 He certainly must make haste . He walked towards the Neva along V \u2014 \u2014 Prospect , but on the way another idea struck him . " Why to the Neva ? Would it not be better to go somewhere far off , to the Islands again , and there hide the things in some solitary place , in a wood or under a bush , and mark the spot perhaps ? " And though he felt incapable of clear judgment , the idea seemed to him a sound one . But he was not destined to go there . For coming out of V \u2014 \u2014 Prospect towards the square , he saw on the left a passage leading between two blank walls to a courtyard . On the right hand , the blank unwhitewashed wall of a four-storied house stretched far into the court ; on the left , a wooden hoarding ran parallel with it for twenty paces into the court , and then turned sharply to the left . Here was a deserted fenced-off place where rubbish of different sorts was lying . At the end of the court , the corner of a low , smutty , stone shed , apparently part of some works
 hop , peeped from behind the hoarding . It was probably a carriage builder 's or carpenter 's shed ; the whole place from the entrance was black with coal dust . Here would be the place to throw it , he thought . Not seeing anyone in the yard , he slipped in , and at once saw near the gate a sink , such as is often put in yards where there are many workmen or cab-drivers ; and on the hoarding above had been scribbled in chalk the time-honoured witticism , " Standing here strictly forbidden . " This was all the better , for there would be nothing suspicious about his going in . " Here I could throw it all in a heap and get away ! " Looking round once more , with his hand already in his pocket , he noticed against the outer wall , between the entrance and the sink , a big unhewn stone , weighing perhaps sixty pounds . The other side of the wall was a street . He could hear passers-by , always numerous in that part , but he could not be seen from the entrance , unless someone came in f
 rom the street , which might well happen indeed , so there was need of haste . He bent down over the stone , seized the top of it firmly in both hands , and using all his strength turned it over . Under the stone was a small hollow in the ground , and he immediately emptied his pocket into it . The purse lay at the top , and yet the hollow was not filled up . Then he seized the stone again and with one twist turned it back , so that it was in the same position again , though it stood a very little higher . But he scraped the earth about it and pressed it at the edges with his foot . Nothing could be noticed . Then he went out , and turned into the square . Again an intense , almost unbearable joy overwhelmed him for an instant , as it had in the police-office . " I have buried my tracks ! And who , who can think of looking under that stone ? It has been lying there most likely ever since the house was built , and will lie as many years more . And if it were found , who would think o
 f me ? It is all over ! No clue ! " And he laughed . Yes , he remembered that he began laughing a thin , nervous noiseless laugh , and went on laughing all the time he was crossing the square . But when he reached the K \u2014 \u2014 Boulevard where two days before he had come upon that girl , his laughter suddenly ceased . Other ideas crept into his mind . He felt all at once that it would be loathsome to pass that seat on which after the girl was gone , he had sat and pondered , and that it would be hateful , too , to meet that whiskered policeman to whom he had given the twenty copecks : " Damn him ! " He walked , looking about him angrily and distractedly . All his ideas now seemed to be circling round some single point , and he felt that there really was such a point , and that now , now , he was left facing that point\u2014and for the first time , indeed , during the last two months . " Damn it all ! " he thought suddenly , in a fit of ungovernable fury . " If it has begun , then it ha
 s begun . Hang the new life ! Good Lord , how stupid it is ! . . . And what lies I told to-day ! How despicably I fawned upon that wretched Ilya Petrovitch ! But that is all folly ! What do I care for them all , and my fawning upon them ! It is not that at all ! It is not that at all ! " Suddenly he stopped ; a new utterly unexpected and exceedingly simple question perplexed and bitterly confounded him . " If it all has really been done deliberately and not idiotically , if I really had a certain and definite object , how is it I did not even glance into the purse and do n't know what I had there , for which I have undergone these agonies , and have deliberately undertaken this base , filthy degrading business ? And here I wanted at once to throw into the water the purse together with all the things which I had not seen either . . . how 's that ? " Yes , that was so , that was all so . Yet he had known it all before , and it was not a new question for him , even when it was decided 
 in the night without hesitation and consideration , as though so it must be , as though it could not possibly be otherwise . . . . Yes , he had known it all , and understood it all ; it surely had all been settled even yesterday at the moment when he was bending over the box and pulling the jewel-cases out of it . . . . Yes , so it was . " It is because I am very ill , " he decided grimly at last , " I have been worrying and fretting myself , and I do n't know what I am doing . . . . Yesterday and the day before yesterday and all this time I have been worrying myself . . . . I shall get well and I shall not worry . . . . But what if I do n't get well at all ? Good God , how sick I am of it all ! " He walked on without resting . He had a terrible longing for some distraction , but he did not know what to do , what to attempt . A new overwhelming sensation was gaining more and more mastery over him every moment ; this was an immeasurable , almost physical , repulsion for everything su
 rrounding him , an obstinate , malignant feeling of hatred . All who met him were loathsome to him\u2014he loathed their faces , their movements , their gestures . If anyone had addressed him , he felt that he might have spat at him or bitten him . . . . He stopped suddenly , on coming out on the bank of the Little Neva , near the bridge to Vassilyevsky Ostrov . " Why , he lives here , in that house , " he thought , " why , I have not come to Razumihin of my own accord ! Here it 's the same thing over again . . . . Very interesting to know , though ; have I come on purpose or have I simply walked here by chance ? Never mind , I said the day before yesterday that I would go and see him the day after ; well , and so I will ! Besides I really cannot go further now . " He went up to Razumihin 's room on the fifth floor . The latter was at home in his garret , busily writing at the moment , and he opened the door himself . It was four months since they had seen each other . Razumihin was si
 tting in a ragged dressing-gown , with slippers on his bare feet , unkempt , unshaven and unwashed . His face showed surprise . " Is it you ? " he cried . He looked his comrade up and down ; then after a brief pause , he whistled . " As hard up as all that ! Why , brother , you 've cut me out ! " he added , looking at Raskolnikov 's rags . " Come sit down , you are tired , I 'll be bound . " And when he had sunk down on the American leather sofa , which was in even worse condition than his own , Razumihin saw at once that his visitor was ill . " Why , you are seriously ill , do you know that ? " He began feeling his pulse . Raskolnikov pulled away his hand . " Never mind , " he said , " I have come for this : I have no lessons . . . . I wanted , . . . but I do n't really want lessons . . . . " " But I say ! You are delirious , you know ! " Razumihin observed , watching him carefully . " No , I am not . " Raskolnikov got up from the sofa . As he had mounted the stairs to Razumihin 's
  , he had not realised that he would be meeting his friend face to face . Now , in a flash , he knew , that what he was least of all disposed for at that moment was to be face to face with anyone in the wide world . His spleen rose within him . He almost choked with rage at himself as soon as he crossed Razumihin 's threshold . " Good-bye , " he said abruptly , and walked to the door . " Stop , stop ! You queer fish . " " I do n't want to , " said the other , again pulling away his hand . " Then why the devil have you come ? Are you mad , or what ? Why , this is . . . almost insulting ! I wo n't let you go like that . " " Well , then , I came to you because I know no one but you who could help . . . to begin . . . because you are kinder than anyone \u2014 cleverer , I mean , and can judge . . . and now I see that I want nothing . Do you hear ? Nothing at all . . . no one 's services . . . no one 's sympathy . I am by myself . . . alone . Come , that 's enough . Leave me alone . " " Sta
 y a minute , you sweep ! You are a perfect madman . As you like for all I care . I have no lessons , do you see , and I do n't care about that , but there 's a bookseller , Heruvimov\u2014and he takes the place of a lesson . I would not exchange him for five lessons . He 's doing publishing of a kind , and issuing natural science manuals and what a circulation they have ! The very titles are worth the money ! You always maintained that I was a fool , but by Jove , my boy , there are greater fools than I am ! Now he is setting up for being advanced , not that he has an inkling of anything , but , of course , I encourage him . Here are two signatures of the German text\u2014in my opinion , the crudest charlatanism ; it discusses the question , 'Is woman a human being ? ' And , of course , triumphantly proves that she is . Heruvimov is going to bring out this work as a contribution to the woman question ; I am translating it ; he will expand these two and a half signatures into six , we shal
 l make up a gorgeous title half a page long and bring it out at half a rouble . It will do ! He pays me six roubles the signature , it works out to about fifteen roubles for the job , and I 've had six already in advance . When we have finished this , we are going to begin a translation about whales , and then some of the dullest scandals out of the second part of Les Confessions we have marked for translation ; somebody has told Heruvimov , that Rousseau was a kind of Radishchev . You may be sure I do n't contradict him , hang him ! Well , would you like to do the second signature of 'Is woman a human being ? ' If you would , take the German and pens and paper\u2014all those are provided , and take three roubles ; for as I have had six roubles in advance on the whole thing , three roubles come to you for your share . And when you have finished the signature there will be another three roubles for you . And please do n't think I am doing you a service ; quite the contrary , as soon as 
 you came in , I saw how you could help me ; to begin with , I am weak in spelling , and secondly , I am sometimes utterly adrift in German , so that I make it up as I go along for the most part . The only comfort is , that it 's bound to be a change for the better . Though who can tell , maybe it 's sometimes for the worse . Will you take it ? " Raskolnikov took the German sheets in silence , took the three roubles and without a word went out . Razumihin gazed after him in astonishment . But when Raskolnikov was in the next street , he turned back , mounted the stairs to Razumihin 's again and laying on the table the German article and the three roubles , went out again , still without uttering a word . " Are you raving , or what ? " Razumihin shouted , roused to fury at last . " What farce is this ? You 'll drive me crazy too . . . what did you come to see me for , damn you ? " " I do n't want . . . translation , " muttered Raskolnikov from the stairs . " Then what the devil do you
  want ? " shouted Razumihin from above . Raskolnikov continued descending the staircase in silence . " Hey , there ! Where are you living ? " No answer . " Well , confound you then ! " But Raskolnikov was already stepping into the street . On the Nikolaevsky Bridge he was roused to full consciousness again by an unpleasant incident . A coachman , after shouting at him two or three times , gave him a violent lash on the back with his whip , for having almost fallen under his horses ' hoofs . The lash so infuriated him that he dashed away to the railing ( for some unknown reason he had been walking in the very middle of the bridge in the traffic ) . He angrily clenched and ground his teeth . He heard laughter , of course . " Serves him right ! " " A pickpocket I dare say . " " Pretending to be drunk , for sure , and getting under the wheels on purpose ; and you have to answer for him . " " It 's a regular profession , that 's what it is . " But while he stood at the railing , still lo
 oking angry and bewildered after the retreating carriage , and rubbing his back , he suddenly felt someone thrust money into his hand . He looked . It was an elderly woman in a kerchief and goatskin shoes , with a girl , probably her daughter wearing a hat , and carrying a green parasol . " Take it , my good man , in Christ 's name . " He took it and they passed on . It was a piece of twenty copecks . From his dress and appearance they might well have taken him for a beggar asking alms in the streets , and the gift of the twenty copecks he doubtless owed to the blow , which made them feel sorry for him . He closed his hand on the twenty copecks , walked on for ten paces , and turned facing the Neva , looking towards the palace . The sky was without a cloud and the water was almost bright blue , which is so rare in the Neva . The cupola of the cathedral , which is seen at its best from the bridge about twenty paces from the chapel , glittered in the sunlight , and in the pure air eve
 ry ornament on it could be clearly distinguished . The pain from the lash went off , and Raskolnikov forgot about it ; one uneasy and not quite definite idea occupied him now completely . He stood still , and gazed long and intently into the distance ; this spot was especially familiar to him . When he was attending the university , he had hundreds of times\u2014generally on his way home\u2014stood still on this spot , gazed at this truly magnificent spectacle and almost always marvelled at a vague and mysterious emotion it roused in him . It left him strangely cold ; this gorgeous picture was for him blank and lifeless . He wondered every time at his sombre and enigmatic impression and , mistrusting himself , put off finding the explanation of it . He vividly recalled those old doubts and perplexities , and it seemed to him that it was no mere chance that he recalled them now . It struck him as strange and grotesque , that he should have stopped at the same spot as before , as though he 
 actually imagined he could think the same thoughts , be interested in the same theories and pictures that had interested him . . . so short a time ago . He felt it almost amusing , and yet it wrung his heart . Deep down , hidden far away out of sight all that seemed to him now\u2014all his old past , his old thoughts , his old problems and theories , his old impressions and that picture and himself and all , all . . . . He felt as though he were flying upwards , and everything were vanishing from his sight . Making an unconscious movement with his hand , he suddenly became aware of the piece of money in his fist . He opened his hand , stared at the coin , and with a sweep of his arm flung it into the water ; then he turned and went home . It seemed to him , he had cut himself off from everyone and from everything at that moment . Evening was coming on when he reached home , so that he must have been walking about six hours . How and where he came back he did not remember . Undressing ,
  and quivering like an overdriven horse , he lay down on the sofa , drew his greatcoat over him , and at once sank into oblivion . . . . It was dusk when he was waked up by a fearful scream . Good God , what a scream ! Such unnatural sounds , such howling , wailing , grinding , tears , blows and curses he had never heard . He could never have imagined such brutality , such frenzy . In terror he sat up in bed , almost swooning with agony . But the fighting , wailing and cursing grew louder and louder . And then to his intense amazement he caught the voice of his landlady . She was howling , shrieking and wailing , rapidly , hurriedly , incoherently , so that he could not make out what she was talking about ; she was beseeching , no doubt , not to be beaten , for she was being mercilessly beaten on the stairs . The voice of her assailant was so horrible from spite and rage that it was almost a croak ; but he , too , was saying something , and just as quickly and indistinctly , hurryin
 g and spluttering . All at once Raskolnikov trembled ; he recognised the voice\u2014it was the voice of Ilya Petrovitch . Ilya Petrovitch here and beating the landlady ! He is kicking her , banging her head against the steps\u2014that 's clear , that can be told from the sounds , from the cries and the thuds . How is it , is the world topsy-turvy ? He could hear people running in crowds from all the storeys and all the staircases ; he heard voices , exclamations , knocking , doors banging . " But why , why , and how could it be ? " he repeated , thinking seriously that he had gone mad . But no , he heard too distinctly ! And they would come to him then next , " for no doubt . . . it 's all about that . . . about yesterday . . . . Good God ! " He would have fastened his door with the latch , but he could not lift his hand . . . besides , it would be useless . Terror gripped his heart like ice , tortured him and numbed him . . . . But at last all this uproar , after continuing about ten min
 utes , began gradually to subside . The landlady was moaning and groaning ; Ilya Petrovitch was still uttering threats and curses . . . . But at last he , too , seemed to be silent , and now he could not be heard . " Can he have gone away ? Good Lord ! " Yes , and now the landlady is going too , still weeping and moaning . . . and then her door slammed . . . . Now the crowd was going from the stairs to their rooms , exclaiming , disputing , calling to one another , raising their voices to a shout , dropping them to a whisper . There must have been numbers of them\u2014almost all the inmates of the block . " But , good God , how could it be ! And why , why had he come here ! " Raskolnikov sank worn out on the sofa , but could not close his eyes . He lay for half an hour in such anguish , such an intolerable sensation of infinite terror as he had never experienced before . Suddenly a bright light flashed into his room . Nastasya came in with a candle and a plate of soup . Looking at him 
 carefully and ascertaining that he was not asleep , she set the candle on the table and began to lay out what she had brought\u2014bread , salt , a plate , a spoon . " You 've eaten nothing since yesterday , I warrant . You 've been trudging about all day , and you 're shaking with fever . " " Nastasya . . . what were they beating the landlady for ? " She looked intently at him . " Who beat the landlady ? " " Just now . . . half an hour ago , Ilya Petrovitch , the assistant superintendent , on the stairs . . . . Why was he ill-treating her like that , and . . . why was he here ? " Nastasya scrutinised him , silent and frowning , and her scrutiny lasted a long time . He felt uneasy , even frightened at her searching eyes . " Nastasya , why do n't you speak ? " he said timidly at last in a weak voice . " It 's the blood , " she answered at last softly , as though speaking to herself . " Blood ? What blood ? " he muttered , growing white and turning towards the wall . Nastasya still looke
 d at him without speaking . " Nobody has been beating the landlady , " she declared at last in a firm , resolute voice . He gazed at her , hardly able to breathe . " I heard it myself . . . . I was not asleep . . . I was sitting up , " he said still more timidly . " I listened a long while . The assistant superintendent came . . . . Everyone ran out on to the stairs from all the flats . " " No one has been here . That 's the blood crying in your ears . When there 's no outlet for it and it gets clotted , you begin fancying things . . . . Will you eat something ? " He made no answer . Nastasya still stood over him , watching him . " Give me something to drink . . . Nastasya . " She went downstairs and returned with a white earthenware jug of water . He remembered only swallowing one sip of the cold water and spilling some on his neck . Then followed forgetfulness . 
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