Re: Building dialogue

[Joan Touzet <wo...@apache.org>]

Hey Justin,

On 2019-07-17 3:05, Justin Mclean wrote:
> Hi,
> 
> i ran into something today that is in line with some pieces of advice I've seen mentioned a few times on various lists but never all in one spot.
> 
> Thought I might share it here as it might be helpful:
> 1) Assume positive intent - Put our own judgments, viewpoints, and biases aside to focus on what the person actually means, rather than what we think we hear or see.
> 2) Ask clarifying questions - Check your understanding often by paraphrasing what the other person said.
> 3) Listen humbly - Put your own ego, assumptions, and viewpoints aside.
> 4) Use pauses intentionally - Resist the urge to respond immediately.
> 5) Find common ground - Find a shared value, viewpoint, or idea.  If you can’t, be civil and respectfully agree to disagree.

Thanks for this! Good stuff.

A lot of this is in our Code of Conduct already, especially assuming
good faith (positive intent) and being inquisitive.

  https://www.apache.org/foundation/policies/conduct.html

Our version of "Listen humbly" is "Be empathetic," which focuses on
being aware of other people's emotional state and avoiding personal attacks.

-Joan

Re: Building dialogue

[Bertrand Delacretaz <bd...@apache.org>]

On Wed, Jul 17, 2019 at 6:57 PM Ted Dunning <te...@gmail.com> wrote:
> ....the essence of music is the silence
> between the notes...

As a drummer I have to agree but you do have to play those few
important notes in a way that makes your statement.

Otherwise you get John Cage's 4'33 [1] which is interesting but
conveys a rather abstract message.

-Bertrand

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/4%E2%80%B233%E2%80%B3

Re: Building dialogue

[Ted Dunning <te...@gmail.com>]

The use of silence is particularly powerful. Debussy (or Ben Jonson or
Mozart) is reputed to have claimed that the essence of music is the silence
between the notes. Miles Davis variation that "it's not about the notes
that you play, it's about the notes that you don't play".

Sales people know this well. You can often get better answers by being
silent than by asking a question.

On Wed, Jul 17, 2019 at 9:26 AM Joan Touzet <wo...@apache.org> wrote:

> Hey Justin,
>
> On 2019-07-17 3:05, Justin Mclean wrote:
> > Hi,
> >
> > i ran into something today that is in line with some pieces of advice
> I've seen mentioned a few times on various lists but never all in one spot.
> >
> > Thought I might share it here as it might be helpful:
> > 1) Assume positive intent - Put our own judgments, viewpoints, and
> biases aside to focus on what the person actually means, rather than what
> we think we hear or see.
> > 2) Ask clarifying questions - Check your understanding often by
> paraphrasing what the other person said.
> > 3) Listen humbly - Put your own ego, assumptions, and viewpoints aside.
> > 4) Use pauses intentionally - Resist the urge to respond immediately.
> > 5) Find common ground - Find a shared value, viewpoint, or idea.  If you
> can’t, be civil and respectfully agree to disagree.
>
> Thanks for this! Good stuff.
>
> A lot of this is in our Code of Conduct already, especially assuming
> good faith (positive intent) and being inquisitive.
>
>   https://www.apache.org/foundation/policies/conduct.html
>
> Our version of "Listen humbly" is "Be empathetic," which focuses on
> being aware of other people's emotional state and avoiding personal
> attacks.
>
> -Joan
>
>