[FRIDAY] The Legacy of Bacchus

["Galbreath, Mark" <Ga...@tessco.com>]

(well, it's Friday in England, anyway....)

How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night of
drinking and thought 'How did I get home?' As hard as you try, you cannot
piece together your return journey from the bar to your home. The answer to
this puzzle is that you used a beer scooter. The beer scooter is a mythical
form of transport, owned and leased out to the drunk by Bacchus the Roman
god of wine. Bacchus has branched out since the decrease in the worship of
the Roman pantheon and bought a large batch of these magical devices.

The beer scooter works in the following fashion: The passenger reaches a
certain level of drunkenness and the "slurring gland" begins to give off a
pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many sub-contractors detects the Pheromone
and sends down a winged beer scooter. The scooter scoops up the passenger
and deposits them in their bedroom via a trans-dimensional portal.

It is not cheap to run a beer scooter franchise, so a large portion of the
passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This generates the Second
question after a night out 'How did I spend so much money?' Beer Scooters
have a poor safety record and are thought to be responsible for 90% of all
UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries). An undocumented feature of the beer
scooter is the destruction of time segments during the trip. The nature of
trans-dimensional portals dictates that time will be lost, seemingly
unaccounted for. This generates the third question after a night out 'What
happened?' With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the EMIT (Embarrassing
Moments In Time) add on, that automatically removes, in descending order,
those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately one person's EMIT is not
necessarily the EMIT of another and quite often lost time is regained over a
suitable period.

Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles cause the scooter's
navigation system to malfunction thus sending the passenger to the wrong
bedroom often with horrific consequences. With recent models including a
GPS, Bacchus made an investment in a scooter drive-thru chain specializing
in half eaten kebabs and pizza crusts. Another question answered!!

For the family man, beer scooters come equipped with flowers picked from
other people's garden and Thump-A- Lot Boots. These boots are designed in
such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe, you are sure to wake up
your other half. Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into
every wall and the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the
ring barked shins.

The final add-in Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some scooters is TAS
(Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one person can apparently get
through 260 Marlboro Lights in a single night.

PS: Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to get home from the
bar in sub-zero temperatures wearing just a t-shirt.

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Re: [FRIDAY] The Legacy of Bacchus

[Joel Rees <jo...@alpsgiken.gr.jp>]

ROFL!

Well, I couldn't really do that, since I'm at work, but that was
humorous.

Beer is God's gift to those who can't seem to make fools of themselves
on their own, true?

Have a good Friday, all.

-- 
Joel Rees <jo...@alpsgiken.gr.jp>


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Re: [FRIDAY] The Legacy of Bacchus

[Daniel Jaffa <ja...@courtinnovation.org>]

I think that in my younger years that I was a normal on the scooter several
nights a week.

But what you did not mention was that occasionally that Hanger-Oners  some
time accompany one home which leads to WIYN (What is Your Name) and/Or WDW
(We Did What)


----- Original Message -----
From: "Galbreath, Mark" <Ga...@tessco.com>
To: "Struts (E-mail)" <st...@jakarta.apache.org>
Sent: Thursday, October 10, 2002 6:45 PM
Subject: [FRIDAY] The Legacy of Bacchus


> (well, it's Friday in England, anyway....)
>
> How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night of
> drinking and thought 'How did I get home?' As hard as you try, you cannot
> piece together your return journey from the bar to your home. The answer
to
> this puzzle is that you used a beer scooter. The beer scooter is a
mythical
> form of transport, owned and leased out to the drunk by Bacchus the Roman
> god of wine. Bacchus has branched out since the decrease in the worship of
> the Roman pantheon and bought a large batch of these magical devices.
>
> The beer scooter works in the following fashion: The passenger reaches a
> certain level of drunkenness and the "slurring gland" begins to give off a
> pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many sub-contractors detects the
Pheromone
> and sends down a winged beer scooter. The scooter scoops up the passenger
> and deposits them in their bedroom via a trans-dimensional portal.
>
> It is not cheap to run a beer scooter franchise, so a large portion of the
> passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This generates the Second
> question after a night out 'How did I spend so much money?' Beer Scooters
> have a poor safety record and are thought to be responsible for 90% of all
> UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries). An undocumented feature of the beer
> scooter is the destruction of time segments during the trip. The nature of
> trans-dimensional portals dictates that time will be lost, seemingly
> unaccounted for. This generates the third question after a night out 'What
> happened?' With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the EMIT (Embarrassing
> Moments In Time) add on, that automatically removes, in descending order,
> those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately one person's EMIT is not
> necessarily the EMIT of another and quite often lost time is regained over
a
> suitable period.
>
> Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles cause the scooter's
> navigation system to malfunction thus sending the passenger to the wrong
> bedroom often with horrific consequences. With recent models including a
> GPS, Bacchus made an investment in a scooter drive-thru chain specializing
> in half eaten kebabs and pizza crusts. Another question answered!!
>
> For the family man, beer scooters come equipped with flowers picked from
> other people's garden and Thump-A- Lot Boots. These boots are designed in
> such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe, you are sure to wake up
> your other half. Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into
> every wall and the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains
the
> ring barked shins.
>
> The final add-in Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some scooters is TAS
> (Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one person can apparently
get
> through 260 Marlboro Lights in a single night.
>
> PS: Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to get home from
the
> bar in sub-zero temperatures wearing just a t-shirt.
>
> --
> To unsubscribe, e-mail:
<ma...@jakarta.apache.org>
> For additional commands, e-mail:
<ma...@jakarta.apache.org>
>


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